Wednesday, April 18, 2012

An Agenda

First on the Agenda:
Thanks for all of your ovulation-tracking/baby-making tips. Much appreciated! :)

Second on the Agenda:
I got the job I interviewed for! My first day will be May 1st and I'm super excited.

Third on the Agenda:
I need to write about My Agenda versus His Agenda.
I am someone who PLANS everything. I like to know what's going on, when it will go on, where it will go on and who will be there while it's going on. I've come to accept this fault. ;)

When we were planning our move we hoped to be out of our rental by the 1st of February. That did not happen and I was thoroughly disappointed. However, His plan was that we would be out of our rental by the 1st of March. Because of His Agenda we were able to be home with Kevin's Grandpa right before he passed and got to experience that all. Not something I could have planned if I tried.

There was a lot of craziness going on with my job. At first I thought it was secured forever, then it turns out it wasn't, then it turns out it was, but only for a period of time. It totally ate away at my "planning issues" and made me want to gnaw on my shoulder. But...His Agenda was that I'd find a job and within a week I'd be hired - even with a pay increase! Not something I could have planned if I tried.

Our original plan when we moved in with my MIL was to live with her for only a couple months. Now that we're here, we are staying through the Summer because we feel like it will help our house-buying goals that much more. Which it will tremendously! Not something I could have planned if I tried.

We want a baby. It's not happening as quickly as we thought (or as everyone told us it would). My plan is that it would've happened like two months ago. That's not on His Agenda for us. And you know what? I'm okay with that because I feel like whenever it is the right time, it will be so much better than anything I could have planned if I tried.

The end.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Jobs, Hair and Fertility

1. I thought for sure once we moved out of our rental and in with my MIL that life would finally settle down.

2. Not so much.

3. It's been a little over one month since Joe passed away. It feels weird.

4. I feel it's time for me to elaborate on my job sitch. When I let my boss know we were moving they were able to work it out for me to work remotely from Sacramento. In between the past month and a half they've hired a new associate (to replace the one that left after I gave notice we were moving), I've been commuting about 45 min to work each way, and also travelling to San Francisco a couple times a month to continue to train the new associate and help with a move the office is making.

5. With that being said, I've been presented with a new opportunity within the bank. I've had two interviews so far and I go in for my final interview tomorrow and I should know (hopefully by Monday) whether I get offered with this new opportunity. I'm super excited about it and it is perfect in every way: closer to home, right next door to Kaiser (the hospital/doctors that are part of my insurance) and the strangest thing to me? No paying for parking! I've worked in a large city for close to four years now where you always have to pay for parking, so this job is like a dream come true. Ha!

6. Kevin shaved off his beard. He's had his beard since the Fall. I'm still getting used to his "baby face" look. ;)

7. If you haven't heard, my BFF is expecting! I'm so super excited for her and I now have a new baby to buy cute baby things for!

8. For the record, I'm not entirely against the rain we've been having recently. The reason being is that my MIL's house is on five acres of property and our water comes from a well. No rain = no water come Spring and Summer for things like washing your clothes and taking showers. So rain to me is a good thing. However, the few warm days  we've had scattered here and there have been glorious and have me excited for Summer and the pool in the backyard!

9. My cousin, Hailey, (actually she's Kev's cousin but I just call her my cousin, too) is a hairdresser so I had her put a bunch of red highlights in my hair and I AM A FAN! Makes me feel a little sassy.

10. Any of you have any fertility tracker documents or apps you've used in the past or any suggestions about conceiving (other than the obvious)? We've been actively trying for the past almost five months and no such luck yet. Which I know is nothing to complain about. I'm just curious to see if there's something out there that will help in predicting my cycle, etc.

Enjoy your weekend my friends!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

The Biggest Little City in the World!

A couple weeks ago Kev and I headed to Reno where we spent a weekend gambling, eating, drinking and just having a good time together.

That Friday when we got into town we took his sister out to dinner. My stomach was hurting pretty badly so I wasn't able to enjoy the amazing food at the Thai restaurant we went to, but it sure smelled good! Once Kev and I got to our hotel I pretty much laid in bed for the rest of the night and I told Kev to go down to the casino and have some fun without me (but not too much fun!).

My goofy husband.
Saturday we slept in and had such a good breakfast at the restaurant in the hotel. Obviously, my stomach had started to feel better. ;) From there we went to another hotel/casino where I had scheduled us to each get Hot Stone Massages at a spa. One word: A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! If you haven't had one, you need to get one. Afterwards, we gambled for a bit then headed back to our hotel and took a nap. That evening we went to Kevin's uncle's house and had dinner with his family.

A little vino two-buck-chuck, fireside.

I love the way Cris (Kevin's aunt) decorates. These colors are pretty much my fave.
We went back to the hotel afterwards and I decided to really learn how to play Blackjack that night and we ended up gambling until 4am!!! We (and by 'we' I mean Kevin) won a couple hundred dollars, so it felt worth it. 

Sunday we really slept in then finally headed home.

It was nice to get some time away and be together and reconnect. We decided we're going to try and make time to do that every few months or so. It's good for the soul. :)

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Wassup?

Hi Friends!

I still want to post the slideshow of Joe that we played at his service, but things have been cray cray (as usual) and haven't had a chance.

Last weekend Kev and I headed to Reno for a mini getaway. I know what you're thinking..."Reno???" Yes. Reno. It was actually really really fun and a much needed break from pretty much everything. We decided we're going to try and make it a point to do that every few months or so. Also, I've become quite impressed with my Blackjack skills since that trip. Just sayin'. ;)

I hope you all have a great Easter weekend! Kevin and I will be heading to visit my family for the weekend and I need to try and squeeze in some quick visits with some friends. 

Tomorrow morning (Friday) I have an interview for a position within the bank that I'm really excited for. It would open up some new opportunities for me, plus the office would be closer to home which would shave about 15 minutes off my commute. I like. Wish me luck!

I'm heading to bed now to try and keep these bags under my eyes at bay. Happy Easter!

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Services and Celebrations

This past Friday, March 23rd, was Joe's mass. It was a beautiful service and he had quite a turnout. Afterwards, the Ladies Society held a luncheon that had great food. It was really nice to have everyone together. Joe's oldest son, Donny, said a very heartfelt eulogy that had us all in tears.



With all the photos I scanned in previously, I put together a slideshow/movie of Joe's life. I'm hoping I can figure out how to post that on here and will share it on Monday. Lots of great memories!

After the mass and luncheon, we family headed back to the house to continue celebrating Joe's life.



This is Laird. He's 20 months. And such a love! I've determined that you know you're ready for kids when you spend four days straight with them and still don't get sick of them. And then miss them once they're gone.

This is Salma. Laird's older sister. She's four and is so well-behaved. Love these kiddos!

On Monday, March 26th was Joe's military service. That was really special. I've never attended something like that and it was very meaningful and a great way to recognize the sacrifice he made for this country while he served in the Navy.


I hope you have a nice weekend. 
Kevin and I are heading out of town to spend a weekend just the two of us. We're also getting hot stone massages on Saturday that I'm super excited about! It's going to take some time getting used to our new normal without Joe around. At least we have the great memories!

PS: Thank you all for the kind words. :)

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

The Beginning of the End

I don't really know how to start this. To try and put into words what has occurred over the past month seems somewhat impossible; but, I'll try my best because it's something I don't ever want to forget.

I mentioned in the past that Kevin's grandpa, Joe, wasn't doing well and his time to leave this Earth would be soon. The second week of March was that time.

Two weeks prior he had returned from the hospital, but it was getting more and more difficult for Helen (his wife, Kevin's grandmother) and Lynn (Joe's caretaker and daughter, Kevin's aunt) to lift him and get him out of bed. So by this time hospice was contacted and they brought a hospital bed to the house. He was slowly declining in health but on Sunday, March 4th he had a great day and there were visitors at the house and he was able to eat some pudding that day and drink some water. He was sitting up in bed and laughing and just looked so great.

Monday, March 5th is when his decline increased. He didn't really wake up at all that day and hadn't eaten anything. It was also a struggle for him to drink any water. Each day after that he continued to get worse, and hospice would visit and say it could really be "any day now." When I got home from work on Wednesday, March 7th and went over to Joe and Helen's house you could just tell that there was a very somber mood about the house. Since the mourning everyone experienced is personal, I'm not going to go into details about that, but it was a struggle to essentially watch Joe slowly die. That evening every single one of Joe's children was there with him. Each one was able to sit with Joe, hold his hand and spend that special time with him.
Surrounded by his kids, clockwise: Jim, Vicki, Donny, Lynn and Debbie
The following day, March 8th, nine of his ten grandchildren (I guess I would be considered his 11th grandchild at this point :) ) were at the house. From then on the family pretty much held a bedside vigil. Not once was Joe ever left alone in his room. We all pretty much took unspoken shifts and spent time at his bedside. Even though he never woke up, he hadn't had any food or water in about four days and his breathing was becoming more and more difficult to bear hearing, his family stuck by him and he was in the comfort of his own home.

Throughout this whole process, Kevin's family was able to take the time needed to deal with a situation that none had really had to face before. We were all able to sit with Joe and hold his hand, talk to him, listen to stories that Helen would tell about the old days.

Thursday came and went, and Friday soon arrived. Each night we'd go to bed and wonder if that was the last time we'd see Joe alive. But being the strong man Joe was, he continued to hold on even through Friday. Hospice and the priests were so amazed at not only what a fighter Joe was, but also at the amount of family he had at his bedside the entire time.

Throughout those few days I'd spend a majority of time scanning in photos of Joe dating back to the 1940's because we knew that we wanted to do something with them for the luncheon after his Mass - whenever that would be. So it felt good to have a "job" during that time. Even though Kevin's family is just as much my own family, I still felt like I should give them their privacy at certain times with Joe. 

Friday night we said our good nights, I kissed Joe on the forehead and gave his hand a squeeze. We all went to bed. At 1:30am Saturday morning the house phone rang. Kevin literally sprang out of bed and answered it and he was completely quite as he listened to his mom (who answered the phone at the same time) on the other end, as Lynn told them that Helen had just gotten up from bed and checked on Joe and he was no longer breathing. He had finally let go.

It was difficult to fall back to sleep after that phone call. We all knew the time would come, but I don't think it quite set in at that moment about him no longer being here. Ever again. Hospice was called later that morning after they were able to put a fresh, nice pair of pajamas on Joe, comb his hair and just getting him looking as fresh as possible before the mortuary was going to take him away. I went over just as the mortuary people showed up. They took Joe away on a stretcher, wheeled him past his beloved wood pile (Joe was very particular about his wood pile), and drove the van away with him in it.

During that moment the only word I know how to use to describe that would be surreal. It was like we were in a movie or something. It was real, and it was really happening; but it just didn't feel real. 

Three things to note about those 24 hours leading up to that surreal moment. 
1.) Joe was the hardest worker anyone had every known. He instilled in his children and grandchildren the value of putting in a full days work, and a full work week. It came as no surprise that Joe waited until the work week was done to make his way to Heaven. And we all smile thinking about that because "that's so Joe!" 
2.) He passed away the night/morning of a full moon. 
3.) He made the process of his passing such a peaceful thing for everyone. Never was anything a struggle for Joe or us who had to watch and never was him having passed away a morbid event when the mortuary people took him away. It was just a natural, peaceful process. I still say even to this day that Joe knew what he was doing all along. I have no doubt that he (and God) knew that none of us could probably handle seeing Joe take his last breath, so he waited until everyone was asleep and did so quietly.

We spent the rest of that weekend just remembering Joe; telling stories, rehashing the funny sayings he had, looking through old pictures. And of course shedding tears of sadness, happiness and relief. To this day the emotions are still raw because Joe was an amazing man. Someone who should probably have a movie made about him (in my opinion). 

Over the next few days I'm going to post about the remainder of the past couple weeks. More for my own documentation purposes than anything else. But I encourage you to read if you have the time (I know these won't be short posts) because he was a man that impacted many people - young and old.


Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Bittersweet

I haven't posted in quite some time. Life has been...well...a little overwhelming this past month.

As of March 1st we were officially moved out of our house and living with my MIL. Having to move pretty much everything we owned into a storage unit was not easy. As for living with my MIL, that has been going well. I am really just ready to find some sort of routine. A morning routine and a nighttime routine. But I think it will be some time before that happens.

Kevin's grandpa, Joe, is in his final days- maybe hours - of life right now. Thankfully, he is able to spend these final moments at home, with his amazing family surrounding him. The weeks leading up to this point have been pretty tough on everyone. You know the saying "bittersweet?" Well, that would pretty much sum up this feeling. It is such a sweet thing for Joe to say farewell in the way he is, but bitter and heartbreaking that he's doing just that - having to say farewell for good.

Joe's been like a father to Kevin and his siblings and he's been a grandfather to me. One of my grandpa's died when I was 11, and my other grandpa I was never really close with. To witness the love Joe's children and grandchildren have for him, is an amazing thing. 

The thing about death is, that even though it's a part of life, it doesn't make it any easier. And even though you may see it coming in the distance, it sneaks up on you so fast and I don't think that those who are left behind are ever really prepared for it to actually happen.

I was telling my friend Allison yesterday, that within the past seven months with us having gotten married, moved, some changes in our jobs and workplace locations and Joe soon passing away it's a damn good thing I've been on Prozac because I'm pretty sure a nervous breakdown would have ensued on my part with all these life circumstances. Ha!

This weekend we'll be spending a lot of good, quality family time with Kevin's family and soaking up all the good memories and last moments with Joe. Some prayers would be appreciated that it will continue to be a peaceful time for us and everyone in Kevin's family.