I don't really know how to start this. To try and put into words what has occurred over the past month seems somewhat impossible; but, I'll try my best because it's something I don't ever want to forget.
I mentioned in the past that Kevin's grandpa, Joe, wasn't doing well and his time to leave this Earth would be soon. The second week of March was that time.
Two weeks prior he had returned from the hospital, but it was getting more and more difficult for Helen (his wife, Kevin's grandmother) and Lynn (Joe's caretaker and daughter, Kevin's aunt) to lift him and get him out of bed. So by this time hospice was contacted and they brought a hospital bed to the house. He was slowly declining in health but on Sunday, March 4th he had a great day and there were visitors at the house and he was able to eat some pudding that day and drink some water. He was sitting up in bed and laughing and just looked so great.
Monday, March 5th is when his decline increased. He didn't really wake up at all that day and hadn't eaten anything. It was also a struggle for him to drink any water. Each day after that he continued to get worse, and hospice would visit and say it could really be "any day now." When I got home from work on Wednesday, March 7th and went over to Joe and Helen's house you could just tell that there was a very somber mood about the house. Since the mourning everyone experienced is personal, I'm not going to go into details about that, but it was a struggle to essentially watch Joe slowly die. That evening every single one of Joe's children was there with him. Each one was able to sit with Joe, hold his hand and spend that special time with him.
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| Surrounded by his kids, clockwise: Jim, Vicki, Donny, Lynn and Debbie |
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The following day, March 8th, nine of his ten grandchildren (I guess I would be considered his 11th grandchild at this point :) ) were at the house. From then on the family pretty much held a bedside vigil. Not once was Joe ever left alone in his room. We all pretty much took unspoken shifts and spent time at his bedside. Even though he never woke up, he hadn't had any food or water in about four days and his breathing was becoming more and more difficult to bear hearing, his family stuck by him and he was in the comfort of his own home.
Throughout this whole process, Kevin's family was able to take the time needed to deal with a situation that none had really had to face before. We were all able to sit with Joe and hold his hand, talk to him, listen to stories that Helen would tell about the old days.
Thursday came and went, and Friday soon arrived. Each night we'd go to bed and wonder if that was the last time we'd see Joe alive. But being the strong man Joe was, he continued to hold on even through Friday. Hospice and the priests were so amazed at not only what a fighter Joe was, but also at the amount of family he had at his bedside the entire time.
Throughout those few days I'd spend a majority of time scanning in photos of Joe dating back to the 1940's because we knew that we wanted to do something with them for the luncheon after his Mass - whenever that would be. So it felt good to have a "job" during that time. Even though Kevin's family is just as much my own family, I still felt like I should give them their privacy at certain times with Joe.
Friday night we said our good nights, I kissed Joe on the forehead and gave his hand a squeeze. We all went to bed. At 1:30am Saturday morning the house phone rang. Kevin literally sprang out of bed and answered it and he was completely quite as he listened to his mom (who answered the phone at the same time) on the other end, as Lynn told them that Helen had just gotten up from bed and checked on Joe and he was no longer breathing. He had finally let go.
It was difficult to fall back to sleep after that phone call. We all knew the time would come, but I don't think it quite set in at that moment about him no longer being here. Ever again. Hospice was called later that morning after they were able to put a fresh, nice pair of pajamas on Joe, comb his hair and just getting him looking as fresh as possible before the mortuary was going to take him away. I went over just as the mortuary people showed up. They took Joe away on a stretcher, wheeled him past his beloved wood pile (Joe was very particular about his wood pile), and drove the van away with him in it.
During that moment the only word I know how to use to describe that would be surreal. It was like we were in a movie or something. It was real, and it was really happening; but it just didn't feel real.
Three things to note about those 24 hours leading up to that surreal moment.
1.) Joe was the hardest worker anyone had every known. He instilled in his children and grandchildren the value of putting in a full days work, and a full work week. It came as no surprise that Joe waited until the work week was done to make his way to Heaven. And we all smile thinking about that because "that's so Joe!"
2.) He passed away the night/morning of a full moon.
3.) He made the process of his passing such a peaceful thing for everyone. Never was anything a struggle for Joe or us who had to watch and never was him having passed away a morbid event when the mortuary people took him away. It was just a natural, peaceful process. I still say even to this day that Joe knew what he was doing all along. I have no doubt that he (and God) knew that none of us could probably handle seeing Joe take his last breath, so he waited until everyone was asleep and did so quietly.
We spent the rest of that weekend just remembering Joe; telling stories, rehashing the funny sayings he had, looking through old pictures. And of course shedding tears of sadness, happiness and relief. To this day the emotions are still raw because Joe was an amazing man. Someone who should probably have a movie made about him (in my opinion).
Over the next few days I'm going to post about the remainder of the past couple weeks. More for my own documentation purposes than anything else. But I encourage you to read if you have the time (I know these won't be short posts) because he was a man that impacted many people - young and old.
