Motherhood and my maternity leave - all the emotions!

With only four days left of maternity leave, I want to take some time and document how life was while I was off work.

One word.

CRAZY.

I think it started with Landon arriving earlier than planned. I didn't feel quite ready. There were things around the house I wasn't able to get done before his arrival, and from that point on I've felt behind on everything ever since. Such is life.

I'm not going to sugar-coat this post. I want it to be as real as these past four months have felt. The first two months after Landon arrived were touch-and-go. That's the only way I know how to describe it. I felt so discombobulated every minute of every day.

To be honest, I suffered from a bit of postpartum depression. There were days I felt like my kids deserved a better mother than what I was being. I didn't feel happy and I was anxious all the time. I felt like I was never doing enough, I never had enough patience with the toddler, or never enough time in a friggin' day! Just never enough of anything.

And the guilt! Oh, the guilt. I would feel guilty over everything. I'd feel guilty for sending Preslie to Miss Kara's 3-4 days a week. I'd feel guilty for wanting a day to myself. I'd feel guilty for having so much time off. I'd feel guilty for wanting to go back to work. I'd feel guilty for not being happy. I'd feel guilty for feeling guilty!!!

Throughout those first two months I would keep telling myself "you need to make the most of this time because you'll never have it again and you don't want to look back with any regrets." But you know what? Those first couple months were life. I don't regret the days Preslie may or may not have sat in front of the TV all day while I fed Landon for (what felt like) hours on end. I don't regret the day(s) I may or may not have gone without a shower. It was all part of our life at that time and I cherish being able to experience everything; the ups and the downs.

^ Yes, we had her slide in the living room. 

It was survival mode this day.

There was one moment when I think Landon may have been three weeks old. For the first time since he was born, I attempted to make a nice, home cooked meal and have it ready by the time Kevin got home from work. The kids had a different plan. Landon didn't want to be put down and Preslie didn't want me to hold Landon. At one point they were both screaming and all I could do was record the moment and laugh. All my life I had wanted to be a mother, and there it was. I was mothering. It was everything I'd hoped it would be (sarcastic font). ;) Needless to say, dinner didn't get made that night. (Video below)

On a different day I was determined to take the kids to the park. Preslie loves to play outside and we all needed to get out of the house. I never got a shower that day, and Preslie never actually played at the park (she chose to play in dirt that was stuck in a crack on the sidewalk) but that was a small accomplishment that I felt good about.

I look back now and I know I did the best I could. Everyone survived. My kids are healthy and thriving. My marriage is still intact. My extended family and friends are still by my side and willing to help whenever I need it. And for all of that, I'm so thankful.

I think motherhood is different for everyone. There are mothers who may thrive on the chaos and can take it in stride. There are mothers who do a hell of a job at having fun activities planned each day for their toddler. There are mothers who just barely survive a day with one, two, three or more of their kids. Either way, it's not the same for everyone. The only way I was finally able to feel okay with how I was doing as a mother with "two under two," was I stopped comparing myself to what other mothers were doing.

The first couple of months I couldn't wait to go back to work. But now that my return date is staring me in the face...I don't wanna! Within the past month we've found a good groove in our family. Landon is on a good schedule, I'm getting dinner on the table more nights than not, I've so enjoyed seeing the little person that Preslie is becoming. I am really going to have a tough time come February 4th, when I'm supposed to show up for my job. It'll all work out, though. It always does.

Family Fun (2013)

Note: I am over a year behind on posting. I plan to eventually make books about our life using my blog so I need to get caught up while I have the time (ha!) and I'm off work. So bear with me as I do a little reminiscing. ;)

The day after Thanksgiving 2103, we headed home so we had the weekend to relax and regroup before heading back to work the following Monday.

After the 3+ hour car ride home, we unloaded the car, took showers and freshened up, and then headed up The Hill to my MIL's house for dinner with Kevin's big family.

Kevin's uncle Jim was in town from St. Thomas, Virgin Islands (he lives there) so we wanted to make a point to see him before he made the trek back home.

It was a really fun night. Preslie was the only baby at that point so she got a lot of attention from everyone!

^ Preslie and her Uncle Matthew

Tricks with Uncle Leo!

^ Preslie loves her Aunt Courtney!

Preslie’s Baptism

On Sunday, November 3rd we had Preslie baptized at the same church Kevin was baptized in 30 years ago. It was such a special day that we were able to enjoy with all of our family and close friends.

^ My girl and me.

^ Preslie and her favorite person, her Papa. (That sweet bonnet didn’t last long.)

Preslie’s Godparents are two of my best friends that I grew up with: Michelle and Brandon. They have twin girls and a newborn baby boy. Kevin and I feel so blessed to have them as part of our family now.

As a gift to Michelle and Brandon I wanted to get them something that was meaningful - but not over the top. I found this vendor on Etsy that makes gorgeous, memorable picture frames. This is the one I chose for them. I was so pleased with how it turned out.

The Christening gown Preslie wore was handmade by her Great Grandmother Helen (Kevin’s Grandma). It was a gorgeous gown. I hope to get some much better photos of Preslie in it soon.

It was tough holding this 18-pound, wiggly child in a slippery, satin gown. I was a sweaty mess up there!

Preslie had so much family attend her baptism. She had two great-grandmothers there, three out of four of her grandparents there, three great-uncles, three great-aunts, her two favorite uncles, her most (and only) favorite auntie, many second cousins and some great family friends. The baptism itself was a very small and intimate gathering - it turned out perfect.

^ Preslie with her Uncle Matthew (aka Uncle Machew, Kevin’s brother) and Aunt Courtney (aka Auntie Frug, Kevin’s sister).

^ Uncle Jay Jay (my brother) and Preslie

^ Grammy and Grampy (my mom and dad)

^ With Great Grandma Ruth (my grandmother)

^ Great Grandma Helen (Kevin’s grandmother) and Grandma Debbie (Kevin’s mom)

We had the reception at my MIL’s house (which was near the church). I did a little decorating using light pink and Tiffany blue, and included some photos of Preslie throughout. We served brunch and it was a good opportunity for the family to get to know Preslie’s Godparents, and vice versa.

This cake was delish! It was lemon filling with white chocolate cream. Yumm-oh! It says “Baptized in Christ - Preslie Kay Marie” on it.

^ Michelle and Brandon had these cookies made as favors for everyone. They were so good!

And this was the invite we sent out and it’s exactly how we feel - “BLESSED” beyond measure to have our little girl in our lives and great family and friends to help celebrate a special day like Preslie’s baptism.

A Trip to the Pumpkin Farm

The weekend before Halloween, we took Preslie to a pumpkin farm. This is something I have always wanted to do once we had kids. Since she’s still so young I knew she wouldn’t know one way or the other what was going on, but I wanted to check it out and see if it’s a good place to take her for next year when she’s a toddler.

It was a very cool place. It had a petting zoo, corn maze, pig races, an apple cider press, a place that sold homemade pies, and all sorts of other things. The only thing we did was went through the petting zoo and purchased an apple pie and some apple cider. And of course took pictures. I’m looking forward to bringing Preslie back there next year and see her enjoy everything through her eyes.

It was nearly impossible to get her to smile for us while we were there because she was just interested in everything going on around her. But I’m glad we were able to go and enjoy a leisurely Sunday as a little family.

As these pictures will show, we are probably the worst photographers that exist. Ha! The sun was in Miss P’s eyes about 50% of the time. Oh well, memories were made!

^Just waking up from the car ride.

^Kevin and I laugh at this picture of Sweet P all the time. When she makes faces like this, we call her our “Little Bulldog.”

^Picture with Papa and some suspect-looking scarecrow.

^Her first time touching dirt. She was enthralled.

^ “This is as good as you’re going to get, Mama. I’ve got sun in my eyes!”

 

The End.