My Thoughts on Parenthood

Prior to becoming a parent, I knew there was one thing in life that I wanted more than anything (besides being Kevin’s wife) and that was to have a child. I feel so incredibly fortunate that it was in God’s plan for us to make that a reality. Before that happened I never really took into account two things that come into play when you parent a child: 1) Doubting, and 2) Guilt.

Let me explain…

Now that we’re in the throes of parenting an almost-eight-month-old I find myself questioning my parenting decisions all. the. time. Right now, they are just small, menial decisions like “Should I put an extra layer on her before bedtime?” “Is she bored?” “Should I feed her more?” “Are we providing her with enough stimulation to learn?” When I ask Kevin what he thinks, he’ll usually shrug his shoulders and say “I don’t know. What do you think?” Well, that’s why I’m asking, because I don’t know either! Ha! New parents.



I’m well aware that the decisions we have to make as she gets older will become much more important and serious; but dogonit if I can’t help but question every single decision I make! I wish I felt more confident in the choices we make for Preslie instead of doubting every time. And it becomes a little more daunting to me that I will probably second-guess and doubt my decisions as her mother for the rest of my life.

As for feeling guilty, I know I’m not alone in this one. After a long day with the child and all she does is whine, whine, whine for no apparent reason (that I can tell), all I’m looking forward to is her bedtime. I hate that I think this. Each moment in her life is a treasure and when she’s a teenager who doesn’t want anything to do with me I’m going to wish I could go back to these moments when she whines and only wants to be entertained or have me in her eyesight. But there are days when 7pm cannot come fast enough and I feel guilty thinking that. However, 9pm will roll around and Kevin and I say to each other that we want to go wake her up to play because we miss her! Ha! Craziness!



I also get some major Mom Guilt when some days I know she’s probably not feeling her best and I have to be at work and she has to be at Miss Kara’s and she probably just wants to be home and take naps in her own comfy crib and laugh at her own doggies. The guilt is a horrible feeling. Yet, I know if I am home with her I’d probably feel guilty that she’s not getting the socialization that she likes while she’s at Miss Kara’s. It is a never-ending guilty cycle.

I’m realizing that this parenting thing is hard. Not so much the day-to-day care, but being confident in the decisions you make as a parent and not letting the guilt eat you alive. This is by far the hardest job that Kevin and I will ever have. I know we’re going to make some mistakes and learn as we go along. I just hope we do right by God and by Preslie.