Motherhood and my maternity leave - all the emotions!

With only four days left of maternity leave, I want to take some time and document how life was while I was off work.

One word.

CRAZY.

I think it started with Landon arriving earlier than planned. I didn't feel quite ready. There were things around the house I wasn't able to get done before his arrival, and from that point on I've felt behind on everything ever since. Such is life.

I'm not going to sugar-coat this post. I want it to be as real as these past four months have felt. The first two months after Landon arrived were touch-and-go. That's the only way I know how to describe it. I felt so discombobulated every minute of every day.

To be honest, I suffered from a bit of postpartum depression. There were days I felt like my kids deserved a better mother than what I was being. I didn't feel happy and I was anxious all the time. I felt like I was never doing enough, I never had enough patience with the toddler, or never enough time in a friggin' day! Just never enough of anything.

And the guilt! Oh, the guilt. I would feel guilty over everything. I'd feel guilty for sending Preslie to Miss Kara's 3-4 days a week. I'd feel guilty for wanting a day to myself. I'd feel guilty for having so much time off. I'd feel guilty for wanting to go back to work. I'd feel guilty for not being happy. I'd feel guilty for feeling guilty!!!

Throughout those first two months I would keep telling myself "you need to make the most of this time because you'll never have it again and you don't want to look back with any regrets." But you know what? Those first couple months were life. I don't regret the days Preslie may or may not have sat in front of the TV all day while I fed Landon for (what felt like) hours on end. I don't regret the day(s) I may or may not have gone without a shower. It was all part of our life at that time and I cherish being able to experience everything; the ups and the downs.

^ Yes, we had her slide in the living room. 

It was survival mode this day.

There was one moment when I think Landon may have been three weeks old. For the first time since he was born, I attempted to make a nice, home cooked meal and have it ready by the time Kevin got home from work. The kids had a different plan. Landon didn't want to be put down and Preslie didn't want me to hold Landon. At one point they were both screaming and all I could do was record the moment and laugh. All my life I had wanted to be a mother, and there it was. I was mothering. It was everything I'd hoped it would be (sarcastic font). ;) Needless to say, dinner didn't get made that night. (Video below)

On a different day I was determined to take the kids to the park. Preslie loves to play outside and we all needed to get out of the house. I never got a shower that day, and Preslie never actually played at the park (she chose to play in dirt that was stuck in a crack on the sidewalk) but that was a small accomplishment that I felt good about.

I look back now and I know I did the best I could. Everyone survived. My kids are healthy and thriving. My marriage is still intact. My extended family and friends are still by my side and willing to help whenever I need it. And for all of that, I'm so thankful.

I think motherhood is different for everyone. There are mothers who may thrive on the chaos and can take it in stride. There are mothers who do a hell of a job at having fun activities planned each day for their toddler. There are mothers who just barely survive a day with one, two, three or more of their kids. Either way, it's not the same for everyone. The only way I was finally able to feel okay with how I was doing as a mother with "two under two," was I stopped comparing myself to what other mothers were doing.

The first couple of months I couldn't wait to go back to work. But now that my return date is staring me in the face...I don't wanna! Within the past month we've found a good groove in our family. Landon is on a good schedule, I'm getting dinner on the table more nights than not, I've so enjoyed seeing the little person that Preslie is becoming. I am really going to have a tough time come February 4th, when I'm supposed to show up for my job. It'll all work out, though. It always does.

Landon at Three Months

Landon turned three months old on Thursday, January 1st.

Measurements
Weight: 14 pounds, 7 ounces

The kid gained close to three pounds within one month! 

Appearance
~Landon's eyes are kind of a grey color right now. They are still kind of light so I'm thinking he may have the same color eyes as his sister (hazel).
~He has the biggest eyes! Just like his Mama. :)

~His hair has thinned out a lot. It doesn't look like he has any hair, but there is some light hair when you're up close to him.
~The poor kid has a big head! I'm hoping he'll grow into it eventually.

~His little earlobes still stick out like they did when he was a newborn.
~Landon seems to have a long torso.

Sizes
~I think I was in denial that he was growing so fast and trying to squeeze him into 3 month clothes as long as I could. But he's definitely in 3-6 month and 6 month clothes now. There's no denying it!
~He wears a size two Target brand diaper. But I'm switching him to Honest Co. diapers and he'll be wearing size 3 in those.

Personality
~This little guy is such a smiley, happy baby! It was like the three month mark came, and he turned into such a good baby!

~He hardly cries. When he does cry he cries hard and loud and he gets mad. That's usually if he's super tired.
~It seems like he's ticklish everywhere!
~He loves to giggle and he's working on belly laughs.

Likes
~His play mat. He spends a lot of time on there just playing and playing.
~The bouncer.
~Landon likes to be talked to.
~If he has a Lovey in his hands (Kevin said we can't call it a "Lovey," so I think we'll call it a "Buddy") he likes to snuggle with it.

Dislikes
~Tummy time. He hates it.

~He has a love-hate relationship with the swaddle. He loves it if he's super tired, but most of the time he hates it. I'm slowly weaning him of the swaddle now.

^When he's not swaddled, he sleeps flat on his back with his arms up.

I don't think he'll be a tummy sleeper. 

~The car seat and the stroller if they aren't moving. As soon as movement stops he gets mad.
~He doesn't really like to take the paci so much anymore.

Eating
~I think we've finally hit our stride with nursing and I'm so relieved. I didn't have the best time nursing Preslie, and since Landon is our last baby I really wanted to make it work. Luckily, he's doing great with nursing now.
~If he takes a bottle, it's usually if he's at Kara's for a day or if Kevin feeds him before bed. He won't take a bottle from me, though.

~He eats every three, to three-and-a-half hours.
~He drinks only breast milk.

Sleep
~Ohhh sleep...it has been hit or miss. Some days he does great and takes good, solid naps. Other days he does not. His naps tend to last about 45 minutes at a time.

~Some nights he sleeps through the night, and other nights he doesn't. The frustrating part now is trying to figure out what worked on the days & nights he sleeps well so we can repeat it and make it a consistent thing.

Schedule
7am - Wakes up, eats & plays
8:30am - Nap
10:30am - Eats & plays
12pm - Nap
2pm - Eats & plays
3pm - Nap
5pm - Eats & plays
6pm - Catnap
7:15/7:30pm - Bath, bottle & bed by 8pm

Milestones
~He's getting better at holding his head up, but hates tummy time so dang much that it's hard to work on it. He spends time on his tummy propped up on the Boppy which he tolerates, some.

~He coos and giggles and talks all the time. He's rather loud!

 ^Talking to cousin Nate on Christmas Eve.

~He turns toward Kevin or me as soon as he hears us talk. He seeks us out immediately. I love it!

^He looks super frightened. Ha!

~We're still working on sitting up in the Bumbo. Again, he doesn't like it (I think because his belly gets in the way), but we practice each day.
~He can roll from tummy to back.

~Landon is starting to put his hands in his mouth more often. I don't think he'll be a thumb-sucker, but he may be a finger-sucker.

New Experiences
~We spent a nice, long trip visiting Grammy and Grampy the beginning of the month.

~He got a lot of good snuggles in with Mama.

 

 

~He spent his first night away from Mama when Grandma watched him and Sissy while Mama and Papa went to Papa's work Christmas party.

~He visited Santa for the first time!

~He experienced his first Christmas Eve and Christmas!

 ^Hanging out with Bacca (aka Grampy, my dad) on Christmas Eve in his Christmas jammies!

~He helped celebrate Mama's 32nd birthday!
~Landon also experienced his first New Year's celebration!

^ So handsome!

~Landon came down with Bronchiolitis this month. It was just pitiful. Luckily, it wasn't anything more serious. He had a breathing treatment at the hospital, we waited in line at the pharmacy for two hours (luckily, he slept the whole time) and then we were sent home with an inhaler. He's still on the mend.

 

^Getting a breathing treatment at the hospital. 

He was not a fan.

 

 ^He fell asleep immediately after his breathing treatment. 

After all the screaming and crying, he was exhausted. 

Look at his flushed cheekers. Poor little guy. :(

We are just crazy about our little guy! We love to see his personality develop and how different he is from his sister. The next month will be an adjustment for the whole family as I go back to work after almost five months of maternity leave. I'm not sure I'm ready!

A Little Bit About Preslie

It seems the only time I blog these days is for Landon's monthly updates - and even then I still tend to be 15 days behind on that.

But I wanted to document what Miss Preslie has been up to lately. She is quite possibly the most entertaining toddler I've come across.

SIDE NOTE: As I was proof-reading this post, I realized that all the photos of her with someone else are with the males in our family. Ha! She loves the women in our family too; promise.
 

 

Preslie is talking NON-STOP! She will attempt to say anything she hears - which isn't always a good thing. Ha! I don't know if I could even list all that she says because she has a big vocabulary. It's been so helpful to be able to communicate with her now. She can tell us when something hurts, itches, if she's hot or cold, if she wants a snack or is hungry. She doesn't always say each word clearly or correctly (for example: she calls a movie or any show on TV "momo.")

If we're going somewhere she will list all the people that she knows will be there. She tends to automatically give people nicknames - mostly because she can't yet pronounce their name correctly. It's so funny the names she's come up with. Here are just a handful of some names she's invented:

Kala = Kahlua
Deedee = Grandma (Debbie, Kevin's mom)
Bacca = Grampy (my dad)
Omie = Grammy (my mom)
Nono = Uncle Matthew (Kevin's brother)
Leendeen = Landon
Lala = Lovey 1
Lala Two = Lovey 2

 ^Hanging out with Bacca in the backyard and pointing out birds.

^Feeding Jay Jay at Thanksgiving.

^Balancing act with Nono

Her favorite word right now is "goway!" If she doesn't want someone or something near her, she says "goway!" This includes books, her Loveys, the dogs or a person. We crack up when she says "Goway book!" or "Goway Lala!"

 

Preslie loves music. Her favorite songs are "Happy" by Pharrell, "Shake It Off" by Taylor Swift and "All About That Bass" by Meghan Trainor; however, she calls that song "No Bubbles" because she thinks the part of the song where she sings "no treble" is "no bubbles." She was hooked on watching the music videos for a while there, but we've kind of weaned her off that as it was becoming more of an obsession and we didn't particularly want our toddler engrossed in a cell phone all day, every day.

 ^She was looking way too grown up on this particular day!

She is very sensitive when she hears what she considers to be a sad song. If I hum "You Are My Sunshine" she will start to get tears in her eyes and get sad. If she hears "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star," same thing.

When someone sneezes, coughs or farts, Preslie will say "bless you." When Preslie sneezes, coughs or farts, she says "bless you." We die laughing when she does this!

She's learning the difference between being happy and sad. If she does something that isn't particularly nice, we'll tell her that makes us sad and she'll come up to us and pet our hand or pat our head and say "niiice." It's her way of trying to make things better. It's pretty sweet.

She likes to "halp" feed the dogs. When we were putting Christmas decorations away she "halped" by putting mini ornaments in their tubes.

Preslie loves, loves, loves going to Miss Kara's! She goes anywhere from 3-4 days a week. I know I'm still home on maternity leave, but I can't just keep her home when she could be having fun with her little friends at Kara's. She will name all her buddies, too: Hala (Holland), Aubrey (Abrielle), Emmy (Emily) and Siseen (Sistine). She has such a good time with her little friends and asks about them when she's home. I love that she is so social and (generally) plays well with others.

She is also learning a lot at Kara's. She'll come home and will sing part of the ABC song. She's learning her colors, numbers and letters. It blows my mind what she catches on to.

Preslie has adapted well to the role of Big Sister. The extent of her jealousy usually includes wanting us to pay attention to her too if we're paying attention to Landon. She hasn't been mean to him or tried to hit him in any way. She's very sweet to him. Every morning when I wake him up and bring him out to the living room she says "Hi Buggy!" (his nickname) and will pat or rub his bald head. Every now and then she'll want him to sit next to her.

Miss P is bossy! She has no problem saying "no!" to a baby that is crying or "no!" to the dogs. She has to be reminded a lot at Kara's to be nice to other kids because she thinks everything is "mine!"

She's nowhere near being potty trained yet. She'll tell us when she has a dirty diaper, but she doesn't want to sit on her little potty unless we're lucky (the series of photos below was a lucky day so I had to document it). When we use the bathroom though, and we flush the toilet she likes to say "bye bye, pee pee!" so she's getting the concept.

 

For a while we were having trouble with her at the dinner table. We usually always try to eat dinner as a family at the table and there was a time it was a struggle to get her to behave. There were a few nights she'd be sent to her room without dinner because she was misbehaving so badly. And I know this sounds mean, but it was so hard to keep a straight face and not laugh when she'd be excused from the table and sent to her room because her little self would go running to her room and start to cry. It was so sad yet so cute at the same time. Bless her heart!

As any typical toddler does, she will fake cry or throw a big fit if she doesn't get what she wants. Our tactic is to usually ignore her and not give in when she does this. She gets sent to timeout or her room if she just needs time alone and away from a situation (or before Mama loses her ever-loving mind).

Preslie does pretty well at independent play. She likes to tell you to sit down though and play with her. She's starting to sit for longer periods of time to watch a cartoon - which I'll be honest - it's a nice reprieve when you have two under two.

Kevin and I love the guts out of this girl and as she's learning to say new words and communicate better each day, it makes life so fulfilling and fun. We have a feeling we'll have our hands full with this one!